my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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