If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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