Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
