I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
