Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
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