yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My bed smells like the plague
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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