plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
