Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
