i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
