Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
