Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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