I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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