So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I have demons in me.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
