you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
