Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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