I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
