I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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