Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
