Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
this boner is exhausting
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
