There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I would fuck him just for his dog
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