Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
