his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
