If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
