Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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