some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
