This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
