the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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