I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You need Xanax blowdarts
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
