Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
time to smoke my breakfast
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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