dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
