how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
