Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
