It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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