38 yer olds are good kisserssss
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
