we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
