I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
