Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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