The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
