he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
