if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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