Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
