Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
