Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
