Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
