i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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