just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
