she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
