I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
