he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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