idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
