we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
