First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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