U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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